Practice of Brahmacharyam : Section-3 - Swami Sivananda

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Tuesday, February 22, 2022. 6:00 AM.

Section-3 : Techniques of Sex Sublimation : 

15. To marry or not to marry -3

3. Nature of the love between husband and wife

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The love between husband and wife is mainly physical, selfish and hypocritical. It is not constant. It is of an ephemeral and changing nature. It is carnal passion only. It is sexualappetite. It is tinged with lower emotions. It is of bestial nature. It is finite. But divine love is infinite, pure, all-pervading and everlasting. There is no question of divorce here.

In reality, there is no internal union between husband and wife in the vast majority of cases. Savitri and Satyavan, Atri and Anasuya are very, very rare in these days. As husbands and wives are externally united only for selfish ends, there is only some show of smile and external love. It is all mere show only.

As there is no real union in their heart of hearts, there is always some kind of friction and rupture, wry faces and hot words, in every house. If the husband does not take his wife to thecinema, there will be fighting in the house. Can you call this real love? It is mercenary,commercial business. On account of lust, men have lost their integrity, independence and dignity. They have become the slaves of women. What a pitiable spectacle you see! The key is with the wife, and even for two rupees, the husband has to stretch his hands to her. Still he says, under delusion and intoxication of passion, “I have a sweet, loving wife. She is really a Mira! She can be really worshipped!”

In mercenary love, there cannot be any real happiness between the two, the lover and the beloved. If the husband is in a dying condition, the wife takes the bank passbook and walks to her mother’s house quietly. If the husband loses his job for some time, the wife shows wry faces, speaks harsh words and does not serve him properly with any love. This is selfish love. There is no real affection from the core of the heart. So there is always quarrel, fighting and Asanti in the house. Husbands and wives are not really united. They pull on anyhow, dragging a dreary, cheerless existence.

Passion is not love at all. It is an animal instinct. It is carnal love. It is of a beastly nature. It is shifting. If the wife loses her beauty on account of some incurable malady, she gets divorced and the husband marries a second wife. This state of affairs is going on in the world. A husband loves his wife not for the sake of his wife, but for the sake of his own self. He is selfish. He expects sensual pleasure from her. If leprosy or smallpox destroys her beauty, his love for her ceases. When the wife dies, the husband is drowned in sorrow, not because of the loss of his loving partner in life, but because he cannot get sexual pleasure now.

When your wife is young and beautiful, you admire her curly hair, rosy cheeks, fine nose, shining skin and silvery teeth. When she loses her beauty on account of some chronic incurable malady, she no longer holds any attraction for you. You marry a second wife. Had you loved your first wife with Atma-Bhav, had you a comprehensive understanding that the Self in you and in your wife was the same, your love for her would have been pure, unselfish, lasting, undecaying and unchanging. Just as you love old sugar-candy or old rice the more, so also, you would love your wife more and more, even when she becomes old, as you have Atma-Bhav  through Jnana. Jnana only will intensify Prem and make it lasting.

Physical love is animalism. Love of the body or skin is passion. It is passion exalted and refined. It is gross and sensual. Passion for the flesh or body is not pure or real love. It is only Mocha or infatuation born of ignorance. You do wicked deeds and kill your soul on account of this passion.

Even our sisters of ill fame show for some time abundant love, sweet smile and honeyed words towards their customers. This they do as long as they can extract money. Can you call this love and real happiness? Just tell me frankly. There is cunningness, diplomacy, crookedness and hypocrisy here. There is no element of sacrifice in this love.

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Next - To be a celibate? Or to be a householder?

To be continued ....

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